Why We Suck at Grief (and Why Organizations Need to Get Better at it)

“If you were to put an acupuncture needle on America, I think you would hit a grief point. We are really strong on war and domination. Really good at consumption and innovation. But we’re not good at grieving.” – Laeo McDermott 

We are in a time of global sadness. We are grieving great losses: loss of life, loss of jobs/job security, loss of a sense of control/stability. We are missing hugs from our friends/family, and aching for a sense of normalcy. We are heartbroken, watching a highly politicized and divided country at war with itself. As we rise to try and shift unjust and inequitable paradigms, at the same time we feel crushed by sadness at the inhumane acts we are witnessing.   

We have every right to be grieving, and grief is also the pathway towards healing. Organizations are perfectly positioned to support communities in processing grief, but must see grief-processing as not separate from but essential to good business. 

Much of dominant Western culture, stemming from colonization, globalization, industrialization, and white supremacy, teaches us to disconnect from our deep sorrows, mask our pain, and employ coping mechanisms rather than grieve. We have been so socialized to disconnect from our grief that we can struggle to recognize it as such.   

The results of this can be devastating for individuals, communities, and organizations. When grief is not processed it can result in held body trauma, impacting an individual’s psychological and physiological health. When organizational grief is not processed it cripples the organizational efficacy, causing further harm to individuals and hampering the organization’s ability to be agile or to actualize its mission. 

There are many reasons we avoid grief and struggle to see organizations as the appropriate institutions to support grieving. Barriers include:  

1. Discomfort with our own grief 

2. Lack of personal modeling (specific to dominant Western culture, noting that different cultures have a different relationship to grief) 

3. Lack of professional modeling (not having experienced organizational support of grief processing)  

4. Not knowing how to respond to someone in bereavement 

5. Believing grief is “personal” and therefore to be done separately from the “professional”  

6. Uncertainty of how to incorporate grief processing into organizational systems and culture 

For the past ten years I have worked with organizations going through crises. Those who create space for grief and processing strengthen connections, build resiliency, cultivate trust, and grow dynamically. These organizations don’t just recover from their organizational trauma; they become stronger.  

Organizations who do not create space for grief processing when going through crises pay the price. Crises include any experiences of substantial losses: loss of life, loss of perceived stability (e.g. layoffs/cutbacks), loss of sense of personal safety (e.g. natural disasters, acts of violence). When there is not space for grief following these incidents, employees are left feeling disenfranchised, isolated, and resentful. This resentment and unprocessed pain reverberates for years, if not decades, to come. Organizations who struggle with grief-processing see upticks in escalations, struggle with employee retention, and ultimately lose customers.  

Organizational grief is not just present in response to crisis. Grief is present at all times at various levels resulting from issues internal to the organization (e.g. turnover, reality not matching expectations, disappointments) and external (e.g. societal grief, trauma, depression). Organizations who effectively support grief-processing know how to honor it during good times and bad. Organizations who invest in their ability to respond to grief during the pandemic better support their employees now and also build capacity to respond to future grief whatever the circumstance.  

There are many different strategies organizations can use to support employees in processing grief. These include:  

1. Creating spaces for community support 

2. Practicing mindfulness approaches 

3. Engaging in rituals that acknowledge loss 

4. Providing education/training for employees on grief  

5. Connecting staff to a larger purpose to support post-traumatic growth 

6. Encouraging leaders to see grief as a process, not something to be solved 

7. Adapting the approach to grief as a skill to cultivate and practice  

8. Recognizing boundaries and when self-care is necessary 

Organizations cannot outrun this grief wave. The more we try to do so, the more we guarantee it will inevitably come crashing down on us. But when we turn towards each wave of grief, when we muster the courage to swim through it, we build capacity, we build endurance.  

And we discover just how strong we really are.